Jack, I Swear, You Really Need to Check Out the Fall Collection at J. Crew

So I watched Brokeback Mountain for the sixty-nine-hundredth time the other week, and I have a little PSA for y’all: Don’t EVER watch this movie after a few drinks.

I mean, I always cry like a baby whenever I watch it, but this time it was somehow a hundred times worse. Like, I ugly-cried so hard that I ended up looking like a meth addict afterwards. Here’s a reference point (I was the picture on the right):

But enough about how sad the movie is. Let’s talk about really important, insightful things.

(1) While watching the scene in which Jack and Ennis herd sheep, I couldn’t help but think about how much it would suck to be one of those sheep. Like, you’d basically be stuck in a giant crowd of your frenemies, siblings and mothers-in-law for hours on end, and on top of THAT, you’d be forced to stare at their BUTTS for the entire time. Case in point:

(2) Also, I have to commend director Ang Lee on the accuracy of the first part of the movie. It starts with two guys exchanging, like, three words:

… and then thirty minutes later, THIS happens:

I mean, that’s basically the same timeline that half the single gay guys in New York follow whenever they go clubbing.

(3) But seriously, I think the reason this movie was so popular was because these cowboys weren’t stereotypically-gay. I mean, yeah, Jack was kind of a diva for always complaining about not getting enough poon from Ennis, but do you really think audiences would’ve been able to sympathize with these guys if they’d seen them prancing around the rodeo shooting rainbows out of their fingertips?

Sure, if the moviemakers had made these guys true queens, then Ennis probably would’ve worn a better hairstyle to his wedding. And Jack prob would’ve worn better leather jackets. (I’m pretty sure Calvin Klein has a line of Western wear which would’ve looked fab on him.) Buttttt whatevs, I guess they were cute together. I mean, Ennis was SO into Jack that he even thought about him while having sex with his own wife. Like, this is basically all he could think of every time he looked at her in bed:

Obviously, I’m too tired to write real things right now, but I hope that you still got a kick out of all the sight gags!

❤