Posts Tagged ‘Revenge’

Sorry I missed last week’s recap. I promise it won’t happen again. But all you really need to know is that Emily’s violent, absorbing, painfully-long mission to kill the White Haired Man ended with … someone else killing him.

Like, seriously Aiden? I mean, yeah, the White Haired Man was about to kill Emily, but you probably could have given her just a fewww more seconds to do some ninja stuff and defend herself, right? This is something that she’s been waiting for FOREVER, and you’re just gonna do her like that? Dick move, dude.

Oh, and to make it more scandalous, we found out this week that Aiden and Emily had been sleeping together back in ninja camp!!! (I mean, we don’t know that for sure, but their passionate makeout sesh suggested as much.) The sex must have gone south, though, cuz Aiden ditched Emily to find his sis and now Emily just casually wants to kill him. She didn’t succeed, obvs — she dumped him in the garbage to be compacted — but he woke up in the dumpster and escaped!

Side-note: Who is Aiden and where did he come from?? Did Takeda and Emily run into him in a bar after an especially exhausting water boarding sesh and recruit him? Did he answer a Craigslist ad posted by Takeda for free ninja training? Are he, Takeda and Emily part of a “Waterboarding” Meetup group??? So many possibilities.

In other news, we learned that White Haired Man’s actual name is boring as hell (i.e. Gordon Murphy) and that he had a thing for Emily’s mom! Gasp.com!!! You’d think Em’s mom would’ve warned her of this, right?? (“Eat your vegetables, dear. Also, take your vitamins and the guy I’m sleeping with will try to kill you when you’re older.”) Um, crappy mom alert! I’m assuming she also smoked crack during pregnancy, cooked only microwaveable meals, and told Emily the truth about Santa before the age of five.

Side-note #2: Em’s mom is probably not going to be very happy when she finds out that her daughter is responsible for the death of her f*ckbuddy. I sense these two might be duking it out on The Jerry Springer Show soon.

In addition to all this, a ton of drama went down in the Grayson palace. Charlotte found out from Prego that Vicky was complicit in the David Clark murder — and Daniel found out that Vicky faked her kidnapping — so both Charlotte and Daniel turned against Vicky! But Vicky is a brilliantly manipulative fierce bitch, so she owned ALL their asses by forcing them (plus Conrad and Prego) to stand next to her on the primetime news and pretend they didn’t want to stab her in the face.

There was one casualty of the press conference, however: Prego and Jack’s relationship. I guess he just couldn’t deal with the thought of Prego chilling with the Graysons. Aww … I almost feel bad for Prego! Oh wait, that’s right! She kind of sucks. Never mind.

In other news that I don’t care about, Declan stole some stuff and then got in trouble for it. (Is this seriously a storyline? Oh, it is??? Um … okay. Yay?)

Before I go, though, can we please talk about how weird it is that Emily had FEELINGS in this episode?? Like, for the first time in ever, she didn’t have an icy glare plastered on her face for the whole episode. I mean, there was her thing with Aiden, and then the thing with her mom, and … Ugh, what is happening??? Someone needs to smack some sense into Ems, otherwise she’s going to forget that the whole reason she’s on this show in the first place is to ruin Vicky’s life!!! Get it together, girlfriend.

Until next week!

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Remember how most people spend the beginning of the summer worrying about getting bikini bodies before beach season? Well, instead of hitting the gym / taking diet pills / getting lipo, Amanda Clark/Emily Thorne spent the beginning of her summer getting waterboarded off the coast of Japan. Jealous?

OK. I get that this was her revenge “training” … but honestly? I don’t think she tried hard enough. Where was the jujitsu course? And the hours of practice crossing off people’s faces in red sharpie? I guess she doesn’t really want this!

But whatevs. There was way more important stuff going on in the Season 2 premiere. Like how the episode began with Amanda at the bottom of the ocean! (The boat. Not the person. Also, that won’t happen for another three months.) And how Daniel has started mourning the loss of his mother the healthy way: by day-drinking! Slashhhh sleeping with Ashley.

P.S. I legit can’t believe Ashley is still even on this show. Like, at this point, all she can really list on her resumé is “adept Blackberry user” and “expert opportunist.” But I guess now that she has her OWN personal assistant, she can’t even list “Blackberry user” anymore! What a seriously useless human.

I am, however, LOVING that Nolan and Emily are now living together.

But back to Nolan and Em. I mean, they’re basically each other’s only real friends, so I’m expecting a lot of braiding each others’ hair, plotting to take down entire corporations, and goofy roommate pranking. (Prank example: Nolan puts on an evening gown and Vicky Grayson mask, ambushes Em as she gets out of the shower, and screams, “I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, AMANDA!” Emily will pee herself.)

Meanwhile, Jack and Declan are dealing with the fallout of the REAL Emily Thorne being pregnant. (For the sake of simplicity, we’ll give her a nickname: “Prego.”) But WAIT. Is the bebeh really Jack’s?? We’ll find out next week!

Last but not least, there’s Charlotte the druggie, who just got out of rehab. But wait … is she really clean? There are drugs in her system! No … wait … it’s a set-up, because …

VICKY GRAYSON IS ALIVE! YES!

I remember calling this way back in May, when I figured she’d just gotten off the plane at the last minute, or it was a setup or whatever, but that was mostly just because I didn’t want to BELIEVE that she was dead. Now my faith has been restored!

But wait. This means she’s just been chillin in some random house, cut off from all her plush furniture and million-dollar cocktails and fabulous art auctions! What’s a beautiful rich woman to DO??? (I mean, to be completely real, she probably just spent the hiatus throwing darts at a picture of Emily, but I still feel bad. Hopefully she at least caught up on the first season of Homeland or something else slightly productive.)

But back to Charlotte being set up. Apparently her dad is trying to get her inheritance away from her to save his company from going under? Um, EXCUSE me?? When did CONRAD become the bitch in this family? He’s legit threatening to steal all of my BFF Vicky’s thunder. She needs to come out of hiding ASAP and put this man in his place.

Oh, and by the way, Emily’s mom is Stacy from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. And she was in a mental hospital. And she managed to carve a double infinity sign in the side of her hospital bed, despite her arms being tied down by crazy-person straps. Girl has mad telekinesis skills!

ALSO. Vicky Grayson is sending White Haired Man to kill Emily!

Gasp.com!!!!