Sorry I missed last week’s recap. I promise it won’t happen again. But all you really need to know is that Emily’s violent, absorbing, painfully-long mission to kill the White Haired Man ended with … someone else killing him.
Like, seriously Aiden? I mean, yeah, the White Haired Man was about to kill Emily, but you probably could have given her just a fewww more seconds to do some ninja stuff and defend herself, right? This is something that she’s been waiting for FOREVER, and you’re just gonna do her like that? Dick move, dude.
Oh, and to make it more scandalous, we found out this week that Aiden and Emily had been sleeping together back in ninja camp!!! (I mean, we don’t know that for sure, but their passionate makeout sesh suggested as much.) The sex must have gone south, though, cuz Aiden ditched Emily to find his sis and now Emily just casually wants to kill him. She didn’t succeed, obvs — she dumped him in the garbage to be compacted — but he woke up in the dumpster and escaped!
Side-note: Who is Aiden and where did he come from?? Did Takeda and Emily run into him in a bar after an especially exhausting water boarding sesh and recruit him? Did he answer a Craigslist ad posted by Takeda for free ninja training? Are he, Takeda and Emily part of a “Waterboarding” Meetup group??? So many possibilities.
In other news, we learned that White Haired Man’s actual name is boring as hell (i.e. Gordon Murphy) and that he had a thing for Emily’s mom! Gasp.com!!! You’d think Em’s mom would’ve warned her of this, right?? (“Eat your vegetables, dear. Also, take your vitamins and the guy I’m sleeping with will try to kill you when you’re older.”) Um, crappy mom alert! I’m assuming she also smoked crack during pregnancy, cooked only microwaveable meals, and told Emily the truth about Santa before the age of five.
Side-note #2: Em’s mom is probably not going to be very happy when she finds out that her daughter is responsible for the death of her f*ckbuddy. I sense these two might be duking it out on The Jerry Springer Show soon.
In addition to all this, a ton of drama went down in the Grayson palace. Charlotte found out from Prego that Vicky was complicit in the David Clark murder — and Daniel found out that Vicky faked her kidnapping — so both Charlotte and Daniel turned against Vicky! But Vicky is a brilliantly manipulative fierce bitch, so she owned ALL their asses by forcing them (plus Conrad and Prego) to stand next to her on the primetime news and pretend they didn’t want to stab her in the face.
There was one casualty of the press conference, however: Prego and Jack’s relationship. I guess he just couldn’t deal with the thought of Prego chilling with the Graysons. Aww … I almost feel bad for Prego! Oh wait, that’s right! She kind of sucks. Never mind.
In other news that I don’t care about, Declan stole some stuff and then got in trouble for it. (Is this seriously a storyline? Oh, it is??? Um … okay. Yay?)
Before I go, though, can we please talk about how weird it is that Emily had FEELINGS in this episode?? Like, for the first time in ever, she didn’t have an icy glare plastered on her face for the whole episode. I mean, there was her thing with Aiden, and then the thing with her mom, and … Ugh, what is happening??? Someone needs to smack some sense into Ems, otherwise she’s going to forget that the whole reason she’s on this show in the first place is to ruin Vicky’s life!!! Get it together, girlfriend.
Until next week!
- ‘Revenge’ Recap: The Bitch is Back (forever2two.wordpress.com)