you got that kinda medicine that keeps me comin’

Posted: September 27, 2012 in Is This Real Life?
Tags: , , , , , ,

like most people, i had a few one night stands in college. here is one of them.

the scene: halloween of my junior year in college.

the outfit: “sexy train conductor,” which basically meant i was naked except for some overalls. (the idea was that all oncoming traffic would be conducted into my bed that night.)

the idea worked like a charm. within three minutes of walking into a frat basement, this hot dude in a dress shirt and tie started chatting me up. within three minutes after THAT, he was feeling my biceps. smooth, right? but whatever, it was halloween, so he was probably tipsy. plus, he was a resident at a neuroscience clinic. in my head, that just meant OMG I’M ABOUT TO MAKE OUT WITH DEREK SHEPHERD.

so obvi this was going to go somewhere. after i was forced to look at pictures of his friend’s baby daughter, we marched into the promising darkness and staleness of Frat Row, where he halted in his tracks.

“what?” i asked.

“i forgot my jacket,” said Dr. Shepherd.

“let’s get it tomorrow!” i whined. “my room is two minutes away.”

“no i NEED my jacket,” the doc insisted. “i left it at another party like a mile from here.”

he started walking up to a campus security officer.

“NO!” i screamed, but it was too late. he was asking the campus security guy if he could get a ride to pick up his jacket.

but the officer had to walk inside a frat to do his rounds first, so the doc strutted back to me.

me: “well, i guess this is goodbye then.”

doctor shepherd: “what do you mean?”

me: “i’m underage and i’ve had a few drinks!!! you can’t make me ride with campus security!! that’s like asking anne frank to casually accept a ride from a car full of Nazis!!”

but then he did the HOTTEST thing that anyone’s ever done to me. he lifted me up, thrust me into the security car, and made out with me right there in the middle of frat row.


there was the officer, right behind us, clearing his throat.


cut to: the most awkward car ride ever. but that turned out to be a good thing, because that meant that i didn’t say anything, which meant that they didn’t realize i was tipsy, which meant that i didn’t get arrested.

so we finally made it to my room, where Dr. Shepherd squealed in delight after seeing my piano.

“I CAN PLAY FUR ELISE!!!” he proclaimed.

and he did. but since he was tipsy, it sounded more like the piano keys were fighting each other and no one was winning.

then he saw my organic chemistry book and squealed in even greater delight. “omg i LOVE orgo.”

of course he loved orgo.

doc shepherd: “do you have a quiz soon?”

me: “yeah, i have a test in two days.”

doc: “OMG, can i help you study?”

me: “ummmm…..maybe later? can we just, uh…”

i patted the bed.

doc: “oh!! right! i forgot”

then things started heating up.

so many things happened that i can’t write here. but guess what happened when we woke up the next morning? he quizzed me in orgo.

i ended up getting an A-.


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